Admonitions For Orn Herring’s Offspring

Lorrance Herring
2 min readJan 28, 2020


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My dad? He drank just like a fish.

He read his Bible, too!

He taught me all the jokes he had

as an Anti-Pagan “Jew.”

He really was a merry old soul;

He taught me that hell was just a hole

in the ground, were we’d sleep

in the dark brown deep

for a million years and a day.

Until the sound of the TRUMPet call

would cause us to all awaken,

and be resurrected in a brand new form…

I think all my senses were taken!

It’s the World Tomorrow in 20/20

when my sight has been perfectly cleared!

What I saw with my eye made me burst down and cry!

And my heart? It started to cheer!

I saw my own son! My very own son!

He looked just like my dad!

And his sense of humor was something else…

My God! It was very bad!

He got up on stage in his underwear

in cowboy boots, no less!

I’m so PROUD of him, my buttons could burst!

Call the President! Alert the press!

My son has a talent just like mine!

He’s brilliant and handsome

and very fine!

He also has a merry old soul

as old as the hills, and he will shine!

As a star in my world for being so brave

to get up on the stage and become a knave!

Good job, Isaiah! “Good Job” says God!

Now don’t do drugs and don’t be a clod!

Don’t disrespect women! Don’t disrespect swine!

Don’t disrespect beer and don’t disrespect wine!

Be kind to all creatures, no matter how small..

And remember to give your poor mother a call!



Lorrance Herring

Oregon born, Bardass Poet, Bat-Shit Crazy Stand-Up Comedian, Entertaining Social Activist, Mamadadaist Artist of 8 kids, Weirdo Wonder Woman, Narc Researcher