It’s a Royal Conspiracy!

Lorrance Herring
5 min readJul 24, 2020


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We are working so hard to keep quite about our family issues. Our human family has some issues!

Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, and Meghan Markle, his Duchess, leave the royal family. They want to live in America and become independent from England. Imagine that. Isn’t that how so many Europeans came this way in the first place?

History repeats itself.

Prince Harry is a red-headed warlock, who obviously cast a spell over his grandmother, the Queen of England, and Meghan who is a mixed-race beauty worth over 5 million dollars. Her parents were middle-class workers, so she obviously married up the ladder of wealth.

Follow the money trail.

Meghan’s mother, Doria, a former social worker moves into their home in Los Angeles to be a live-in Grandma to her grandson, little Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor. Now, that’s a pretentious mouthful of a name to shoulder.

Little Archie has dual citizenship. He was christened by the Archbishop of Canterbury at Windsor Castle.

See the connection to the pandemic?

The Archbishop of Canterbury was involved during the Black Plague back in the days of Geoffrey Chaucer, who not only wrote “Canterbury Tales” but, also wrote “Book of the Duchess,” and “Parliament of Fowls”. That’s a foul joke. The Black Prince was involved in the family when Blanche White died from the Black Plague. Her husband was sad, but still inherited all of her lands and benefitted from her untimely death. She may have had an affair going on with Geoffrey Chaucer, a courtesan and entertainer of the royal family. Chaucer was a bit bawdy with his humor and sense of satire, but he’d also been traumatized as a child and lost his sense of innocence at a young age.

That’s fishy. I did as well. Some days, I think I was born with a sense of satire infused in me. Everything was a conspiracy when I was a child. I was certain I was born in the wrong century and into the wrong family…I was supposed to have been born into a royal family with the name of Jacquellynne Harrington…not Lorra Lynn Herring.

That name was too fishy! It wasn’t French enough. It was too English! It was too Scandinavian! It was too Nordic. It was too….weird. I was certain my parents had conspired with my older siblings to give me a name that would make me sound like a goose every time I had to tell people, “double r, double n, double r”…I’m just thankful I wasn’t named something horrendous like Sylvia, or Loretta Lynn.

L.L. Herring sounded enough like a freight train or a railroad company as it was. Then I grew up and found a prince from England!

The conspiracy of a fairy-tale romance come true!

Except, my prince was more like Robin Hood or Gaston from “Beauty and the Beast”…it is what it is. I can’t change the past, only accept it and learn my lessons from it and continue to move forward. Just like the Queen must accept that she cannot control her children’s behaviors.

So…every romance must have some evil villains. Prince Harry’s mother, Princess Diana was killed fleeing the Paparazzi…why? She was reportedly having an extra-marital affair. That just won’t do for a royal family! Royal families cannot have anything scandalous take place among their ranks!

Princess Diana was a common woman. A commoner who also married “up” in the world before her fatal crash. There is a conspiracy theory that the royal family had her killed on purpose. A fairy tale marriage gone wrong? Would a royal family hire the Paparazzi to chase down the Princess until it resulted in a high speed chase and resulting accident?

There is also a rumor that the royal family is into Satan worshiping and child sex-trafficking.

Imagine that! Royalty taking liberties and acting as if they are above the law of the land? I’m certain the queen would be shocked and appalled to think that such claims were being made against her family! She looks like an innocent little girl herself…just stuck in an old body that galivants around in color-coordinated outfits with ridiculous hats. Queens can get away with anything they want to get away with, right?

One of the Queen’s sons, Prince Andrew, Duke of York, who also married a red-headed English witch is accused of pedophilia and was extremely close to Jeffrey Epstein, the notorious American pedophile who ran a sex-trafficking ring on his Little Saint James island in the Caribbean. Epstein and his cohorts also carried on as well in his luxury jet, “Lolita Express” before he was found dead in a jail cell.

President Donald Trump once said that Epstein was a “great guy,” and that he loved beautiful women, and women on the “young side”. There is a picture of Trump with Epstein, and a picture of Prince Andrew with Epstein. Even Bill Clinton, of “I never had sex with that woman” Lewinsky lies, flew on the “Lolita Express”.

See the connections?

Why did Fergie divorce Prince Andrew? Maybe it had something to do with Andrew’s long absences while he was flying around having sex with underage girls behind her back. We have a concept that “birds of a feather flock together”…maybe Trump had sex with an underage female at some point in his life. Maybe Bill Clinton did as well. I mean, we know that they all had sex at some point, and we know that they had money to fling around…so, we know that they ALL engaged in prostitution! Men can be sex offenders and still look “normal” and “respectable” in public.

Anytime money and sex come together (and if you throw in politics and narcissism), you instantly have a case of using women for sexual pleasure…and of taking advantage of the innocence of youth. This can even apply to young men as well. That is why we try and teach our children to be self-aware and leery of strangers.

In 1879, from The Oregon State Journal it was reported verbatim in the July 5th issue that “The new-born zeal of the Prince of Wales and the Duke of Edinburgh in favor of the bill for legalizing the marriage with a deceased wife’s sister is said to find inspiration in the wish of the wish of the Queen that her daughter Beatrice should marry the widowed Prince Louis, of Aesse, and take charge of the children of her deceased sister, the Princess Alice. Any wish of the Queen is regarded as a command by all her children.”

The wish of the wish of the Queen? So, Louis not only gets to dip into Alice, but also her sister Beatrice because the Queen wishes it so? The children won’t know if they should call their aunt “mum” or “aunty”…talk about keeping things in the family!

See the connection?

Today is National Vanilla Ice Cream Day, National Alcoholic Refreshment Day, and National Gorgeous Grandma Day….

So, if you see an older woman eating vanilla ice cream with espresso stout poured over it, it wasn’t me.

I’m trying to watch my weight. Plus, I would never do anything so uncouth as to combine ice cream with beer…although I’ve heard it makes a great float for adults!



Lorrance Herring

Oregon born, Bardass Poet, Bat-Shit Crazy Stand-Up Comedian, Entertaining Social Activist, Mamadadaist Artist of 8 kids, Weirdo Wonder Woman, Narc Researcher