It’s Another National Conspiracy Day!

It’s a National Conspiracy Day designed to get us to engage in all sorts of sordid behaviors! While the Clintons and other powerful people (such as Obama, Podesta, Gates, Trump, etc. etc.) are under the microscope for child sex-trafficking and other illegal activities such as deleting e-mails, calling people names, hiding tax records, and tweeting, twittering and twatting all night long…let’s turn our attention to something less horrifying than the thought of Trump remaining in office another four years.

See the connections?

Today is the National Day of the Cowboy. So, let’s save a horse and ride a Cowboy! I mean, only if you are old enough and it’s appropriate to do so. It’s also the early opening season of hurricanes as Hanna let’s loose her furies in Texas. The Cowboy era began in Texas after the Civil War. Where’s the beef? Well, the rise of the Cowboy Culture was due, in part to the demand for beef. Cattle were spreading like wildfire and needed to be herded once upon a time in the Wild West.

Cowboys had to deal with punching cows, and branding them so cow hustlers couldn’t swoop in and steal their money making cash-cows. I’d consider becoming a cowgirl, but I prefer chickens. So, in honor of National Cowboy Day, I suggest listening to country-western music and wearing a western bandana mask today if you go around anyone! Maybe even watch an old western movie like “Zorro”, or read an old western book for inspiration. I think most rodeos have been put on hold.

Connecting the dots, yet?

Of course, this is also National Wine and Cheese Day, so consider snacking on some locally made cheese and sipping on locally made wine. Better yet, learn to make your own! Dandelions are plentiful, and if you can locate a cowboy, he might share some of his milk of kindness with you! Yes, Dandelion wine is a thing.

If you’re a teetotaler, you can always skip the wine and just enjoy being a cheesemonger…develop a palate for stinky cheese and try some exotic cheese imported from Edam or France, or whatever country is not conspiring against us.

While you imbibe as you watch a western or listen to country-western music (might I suggest Nancy Sinatra’s “These Boots Are Made For Walkin’”, or Kathy Fink’s “I’d Like To Be a Cowgirl”?), you can grab your needle and thread and make some repairs to your clothes! It’s also National Thread The Needle Day!

Maybe you can even thread the metaphoric needle and make peace with someone who sees life differently than you do! Or, play a game with someone where one is “Pessimistic” and one is “Optimistic”! One is a Trump lover and one is a Trump hater….then try and switch roles.

For a sweet treat today, it’s also National Hot Fudge Sundae Day! We’ve enjoyed ice cream sundaes for almost a hundred and twenty years! And, unless you’re lactose intolerant, ice cream isn’t all that bad of a treat. It gives you calcium!

And, did you know that way back in the ignorant days, people thought that Sunday was the Sabbath and it was a sin to have an ice cream soda on the Sabbath. So, an 18 year-old Platt & Colt drugstore druggist in Ithaca, NY served a customer ice cream sans the soda and named it after “Sunday”! But, if you’re educated, you would know that Saturday is actually the Sabbath and the Bible doesn’t say anywhere at all that it’s a sin to enjoy an ice cream soda any day of the week! The idiotic rules humans make to try and keep people in line!

Then, if you have any money to spare and you need some help, today is also National Hire a Veteran Day. Unfortunately, that does conflict with today being a day of rest.

But, kudos to Marine Corps veteran Dan Caporale for recognizing that many veterans end up unemployed after serving their country. So do many moms like me who have been fighting a different kind of war from the ground forces and from the streets of Oregon in the Wild West!

So, whatever you do today…wear a mask, don’t harm innocent children, stay calm…and be careful who you try to help! The last Marine I tried to help was causing an uproar in every establishment he entered until I told him he just needed to go home! He was a MAGA man on a mission to buy everyone beer until he almost got arrested for trying to start a brawl…All I wanted to do was some stand-up comedy about living in crazy Oregon!