Magical? Reality? It’s All a Matter of Perspective

I lived with “Satan” for about eight months back in 2016. Satan never hurt me, although we had some showdowns in my living room. I didn’t know he was Satan until he got inside my home. I just thought he was a young man, around the age of 28, who needed some help getting off of the streets.I couldn’t help my own children, but I thought I could help someone else’s. He came to me along with two black cats and a sweetheart with some health problems.

Satan told me all about how he became Satan. It wasn’t his fault. It was a set-up. He was tossed out of Heaven on the coat-tails of Lucifer. He also informed me that he was the father of Jesus and had been traveling through the universe. He just recently made it back on earth and didn’t know what was going on. I believed him.

He also had a hard time making coffee for himself in the morning. Invisible flies trapped in the window were keeping him awake at night. I felt sorry for Satan and his sweetie as I watched them struggle to just function through a day. Satan believes in Karma and in magic. His sweetie said she was an Atheist and that they were Wiccans. She also wants to have a traditional Catholic wedding. I hope someday they get to have their happy dreams come true, since it sounded like they’d already been through hell and back from living on the streets.

I am a mother of many children. I grew up around biblical craziness and have an extensive background in archaic literature and spiritual belief systems. I also understand the psychology behind power and control, fear factors, hierarchy of spiritual beings, labeling each other and ourselves, and the generic archetypes found in fairy tales.

I also understand the expression of true agape love and compassion. Some people just can’t be “fixed” or “helped” in a way that makes sense to them. Some people just need to be loved, accepted, and encouraged to continue to improve. Some people have a hard time living with others who have major power and control issues.

One day, Satan was experiencing some frustration with me as the Matriarch in my own home. Satan does not like to be outranked, and neither does his sweetie.

“Get on your knees and declare that I’m your God!” He screamed at me as he extended his arm and pointed his finger. I figured he was working out some childhood issues and felt pretty powerless over most of the universe. I had observed this type of behavior before.

I stood my ground. I planted my feet and put my hands on my hips. I looked him square in the eyes.

“You are NOT my God! MY God is a hell of a lot more handsome than you!” I told him. “The most I’ll admit is that you’re a brother from another mother. You sound like my brother Jon or my ex-husband!”

Satan stared at me. He cocked his head to the side a little. He was at a loss for words. “Good one,” he finally replied. Showdown over. We hugged and went through another day of talking things out.

I had not yet revealed my spiritual identity to Satan. I told him I was a true witch who wrote spells in poetry form and that they came true. He challenged that one. I told him that I was the Morrigan come back again, just as I always do. He cautioned me since that one is very powerful to claim. I told him that I was THE Anti-Christ, and Jesus’s sister-bride. I told him that God was my dyslexic dog and that Lucifer was my grandmother, who we call Lucy. I told him I was a Bard with an attitude.

I am really a Bardass. I am a jester who entertains judges and lawyers in the court of law. They laugh; I cry.

Satan is a man who wants to be respected. He wants to be kept happy and cared for and given a safe and quiet place to live. He enjoys lavender, cheese sandwiches with sweet pickles, and likes to laugh at jokes. On a good day, he is solving the world’s problems. He deals with anger and emotions by screaming and engaging in dramatics. He is difficult to live with for certain. He is schizophrenic and autistic. He was told that he was an idiot savant with a beautiful mind. He said he belongs to another world other than this one. I believe him.

In Heaven, there will be a special porch for us to sit down and relax and talk about our travels. He will be at peace, knowing he is safe and that nothing and no one can ever scare or threaten him again. His mind will be cleared and he will no longer have PTSD from being tossed out of Heaven without even understanding why. Then, he can spread his wings and fly to the dragon world where he can rule and reign over his beautiful creation just like he dreams of doing again some day.

Satan still lives in my community. So does Jesus, Peter, Paul, Mary Elizabeth, Joseph, a whole book full of Old Testament characters who have come to life in these modern days of the New Dark Ages. We will survive over here in Oregon. I have faith in fairy tales with happy endings. I have, after all, cleaned the bathroom of Snow White. Her mother, Deb, introduced herself to me a couple of months after Satan moved out of the neighborhood.

It’s not my fault either. This entire crazy state is rigged to be ironic and funny. I didn’t pick out these people’s names. I just believe in magical realism.



Oregon born, Bardass Poet, Bat-Shit Crazy Stand-Up Comedian, Entertaining Social Activist, Mamadadaist Artist of 8 kids, Weirdo Wonder Woman, Narc Researcher

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Lorrance Herring

Oregon born, Bardass Poet, Bat-Shit Crazy Stand-Up Comedian, Entertaining Social Activist, Mamadadaist Artist of 8 kids, Weirdo Wonder Woman, Narc Researcher