Melting Greenland

Lorrance Herring
5 min readAug 19, 2019

History repeats itself. Ice caps melt, ice ages emerge, polarities shift, people become bi-polar and can’t decide if they are living or dying as they get through another day of ridiculousness in the news. Our president has offered to buy Greenland. I have a bridge to sell in the hometown I was raised in if he wants something to do with his wealth. My uncles helped build it, so I guess I can claim to have some small amount of a finger in the American pie.

Is he planning on spending his *personal* wealth to buy Greenland, or *America’s* collective wealth?

Trump is a buffoon. He stated that Americans have so much disposable income that we are all very wealthy. Trump is out of touch. Many people I know don’t even have cars because they can’t afford one, houses because they don’t have jobs that can even meet monthly rents and the rising costs of subsistence living, or jobs that meet their basic living costs with anything left over to even take a road trip for a vacation. I give rides to my neighbors who need to get to a food bank because their income isn’t giving them enough money to just run to the store for what they need, and they are struggling with being discriminated against because of their skin color or socio-economic status or even their religious convictions and personal appearance.

Many of them are riddled with addictions to various substances, such as food, television, legalized substances such as alcohol or cannabis, or pharmaceuticals designed to relieve them of the stress they are experiencing. Many have un-diagnosed health issues, mental health issues, emotional health issues and are just doing their best to get through the next day, the next week, the next month before they up and die.

As Greenland melts, the coast lines around the world will change. My children are now living on the coast of Oregon. I was told the entire Cascade Mountain range is overdue for a major earthquake, and when that happens the coastline will slide off into the ocean…part of me wants to break the law and abduct my children in order to flee away to somewhere safe. Except, if I did that, I would go to jail, even though my children are legally being raised by my former dictator and abuser. It is nobody’s fault that Trump looks a little like, and acts a little like my ex-husband.

It is nobody’s fault that I am riddled with fears that I have to deal with everyday as I watch temperatures and tempers rise around the world. I watch the bullshit levels rise, the costs of living rise, and the ability of ANYONE to do anything about any of it except complain and protest.

The president is promoting conspiracy theories…how about this one?

We are being invaded by legalized aliens who are taking over the world through technology by driving us all nuts with fruits and fairies, fruit flies and the temptation to run out and buy one of those newfangled sexbots designed to meet all of your wildest dreams, thereby eliminating real women who have to poop once in a while and who have gas and bad butt odor…that’s why perfect android dolls and perfect women don’t poop, they only go into their perfect bathrooms with their perfect hair, perfect clothes, perfect nails, and perfect make-up and perfect bodies….then they just wait a few minutes, flush the toilet for sound effects, spray “Poo-pourri” and wait the appropriate amount of time before going back to being their date’s or their society’s wildest fantasy come true.

Maybe Trump’s entire family was designed and created from some delusional comic book writer who wanted “Richie Rich” to manifest in reality.

Wages have dropped. A recession is a progression towards a depression. If we have a Great Recession we might be headed toward experiencing another Great Depression. All we need next is another Dust Bowl, World-wide flooding, or Civil War, World-wide war, or space alien invasion by aliens the size of nematodes who understand nano-technology and who live under the sea in a palace made from diatoms.

Most of my friends are involved in creativity. They are poor artists, poor writers, poor theater performers, and have poor-man’s creative fun. Some grow backyard Victory Gardens and are into reducing, recycling, and reusing what they have, rather than living a lifestyle like Trump’s consumerism and that of most of Hollywood or inner city violence and crime. Most of my friends are sapio-sexuals and embrace adult comedy and satire.

I guess birds of a feather flock together and some can afford to buy an entire melting continent, while others can afford to give away entire houses to those who don’t even give them the time of day, a drink of water, or precious time with their own children.

Trump needs to pull his head out and begin addressing family issues in our country. Our next leader needs to fix Parental Alienation in our country. Our next leader needs to support mothers and their relationships with their hurting children instead of allowing them to be separated and then just used as sexual objects for a man’s pleasure.

I was asked to depose myself by a crazy man who wanted to know if I was his friend or foe. I was physically attacked by a sexy woman on drugs who was looking for a random person to pour out her homicidal rage into. I have had my children removed from my home by my former abuser and name-caller, and have been lied about by my own children and family members who are not very well educated.

This country of mine needs some major help getting over themselves! Maybe everyone should spend a night in my uncle’s outhouse and learn how to chop off a chicken head and bake a loaf of bread or make a berry pie from scratch…grow an organic garden, write a memoir and begin to dance their asses off after experiencing living in this crazy world for even a decade!

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Lorrance Herring

Oregon born, Bardass Poet, Bat-Shit Crazy Stand-Up Comedian, Entertaining Social Activist, Mamadadaist Artist of 8 kids, Weirdo Wonder Woman, Narc Researcher