Relax, I Have NO Intention of Letting Our President Near MY Rear!

I come from a long line of outspoken social activists and writers with ties to European royalty!

ME: I am THE Anti-Christ and I voted this year! I voted for the Anti-Christ. I worship Jesus Christ! I gave my life up for him and his promises!

Sister ME: I am a worshiper, too! I worship Trump, my Parents, and my Family Pride. I also celebrate Christmas and Halloween, and will help you out in your time of need. I am a good, decent, normal person.

ME: You are a wonderful sister! I used to worship the ground you walked on and thought you were the most beautiful woman in the whole wide world, next to our mother. Mom is still more beautiful than you, though, sorry. I still look up to you, but now I am my OWN person and don’t really need your approval or permission to believe or say what ever the flip I want to since our parents and forefathers decimated this land so we can protest about it due to freedom of speech!

Sister ME: Well, you’d better not say anything derogatory about our parents, your siblings, or my family members. That is MY job! I get to say whatever the flip I want to about how crazy and nuts YOU are, but I am “normal” and therefore, I am better and more righteous than you’ll EVER be! I also make more money than you and you should just get a job that pays you to write. I don’t think your writing is artistic or creative in any way, shape, or form and I will NEVER read what you write about our parents.

ME: Have no fear. Your parents were different from mine. You don’t have to read anything I ever write. You don’t have to ever read anything anyone in history has ever written. That is your prerogative. Our brother believes we should bring back book burning, so maybe an aversion to books run in part of the family. I missed those genes, just like I missed the diamonds and money genes, the casino genes, and the All-American “Make America Great Again” genes. I believe we already ARE great, we just have our hands tied behind our backs concerning what to do about it, due to intimidation by those people in our world who want to control how we think and believe if it doesn’t line up with their views. You can hold whatever disagreeable opinions you want to, it won’t bother or deter me. I follow a higher calling than answering to YOU, sister ME.

Sister ME: But, we are supposed to be alike since we came from the same family! My parents raised me to be a certain way and you should have gotten that memo! You are not supposed to disrespect our parents or ever say anything negative about our family.

ME: That is an interesting concept. Maybe we had different parents and we aren’t as related as you might think. My Dad read poetry to me every night.

Sister ME: No he didn’t! He only read the Bible! He was a very seriously religious man! He was a righteous man, he told me so and I believe him!

ME: Yes, I agree he was a very righteous man who was also an alcoholic. I got THOSE genes. I am also a very righteous woman who became an alcoholic! Imagine that! I also learned to love to read books. Do you love to read?

Sister ME: Not really. Who has time? I used to read romance novels, but then life crowded in and now I am busy making money and enjoying my offspring and their offspring.

ME: You may have chose a better, or easier path than I did. I was called down a different trail than you. Do you remember those trails through the scotch broom that led to the sand dunes? I think I left my heart somewhere out there in the dunes. Or, maybe it was somewhere along the driftwood on the beach, or rocks on the North Jetty. I am certain that I found it again in one of those books. I think it may have been in that red Child Craft Book. I also found it in that other book collection we had called the Bible. I still study and read both of those books and I am now a half a century old! I am into escapism, but since I can’t afford vacations, and my parents were workaholics, I escape through books.

Sister ME: I have no interest in reading those books again. I already know what they are all about. I remember enough to get me through life and that is what is important. I go on vacations every year and have a blast! I am really living, unlike some people I know who have just messed up their lives and try to mess up other people’s as well.

ME: What about other people who didn’t have the parents or the childhood we had? What about them? I try and teach them about things that might help them in life. Important things like tolerance and forgiveness. I teach people about environmental issues, being a community member who helps those neighbors in need. I teach them about mental health and healing from trauma using comedy, cosplay, role playing, communication, the pwoer of poetry and writing, the benefits of dancing and yoga, as well as organic gardening and using local products as much as possible, repurposing and recycling, sustainability, and literature. I actually have a couple of degrees from the University of Oregon where certain people recognized some of my abilities.

Sister ME: Where’s the beef?

ME: Well, that subject is a pain in my neck. You will get repaid a big chunk of what I owe you for listening to your advice as soon as I get my settlement from that vehicle accident that left my van totaled and gave me whiplash and a head trauma injury. Do you know I am still healing from that event? Reading, writing, dancing, yoga, eating healthy foods, being social, and staying as lighthearted as possible all seem to help. Using some cannabis from our righteous brother also helps a little. Having a support system is also vital. I am a bit short in that area due to the dynamics of our family though. We never were all that close since some of us still go to that legalistic, judgmental cult who engaged in hero worship of the prophet Herbert W. Armstrong. I have read about him, have you?

Sister ME: I don’t really care about any of that, but you had better not call our wonderful grandma Lucifer or Satan or anything horrible like that! I can’t believe you would do such a thing!

ME: I am them. I am my ancestors. I am the culmination of everyone who lived before me who helped me arrive on the scene. I am one of God’s special chosen children. I am sorry if that news upsets you, but you don’t have to 1. understand, 2. try to understand, 3. ever be curious enough to even want to understand, 4. even give it another thought. There is so much stuff out there to read nowadays that anything I say will likely just get lost in the sea of God’s forgetfulness. That is why I like to read some of the original thoughts God had way back in the beginning. I then like to compare those writings to what we are producing today. I have found some interesting parallels.

Sister ME: You don’t even make sense to me! The only thing we need to understand is the Bible, since that is the Word of God!

ME: Yes, we should read Moses, David, or Isaiah and the rest of the Bible authors with whom we were raised, as well as Josephus, the Epic of Gilgamesh, Boethius, Homer, Chaucer, Mirandola, Milton, Rossetti’s, Wolstonecraft, Shelley, Brownings, Austen, Dickinson, Shakespeare, Donne, Marvell, Petrarch, Rochester, Tennyson, Frost, and even Philip Larkin. You don’t have to read Elizabeth Bishop or Mark Strand, but you should really read Jonathan Swift, Mary Wroth and the Ramayana, not to mention Rumi. There is a bit of wisdom to be found in those writings, plus they are actually quite fun and interesting. Especially Chaucer. In Middle English. You should consider trying him.

Sister ME: Jesus Christ! No wonder no one knows what in the hell you are talking about anymore! You still have your head in the clouds! No one is going to read your writing. I don’t even know why you think you have anything important to say.

ME: I know. The Bible warns about how people have killed all the prophets God has sent to them. I am glad that I am not a prophet and that not one thing I have ever written has come true or come to pass. I also am known to tell lies. I mean, I AM THE Anti-Christ, and every who is ME should have a grandmother named after luck, which dad taught e is based on the name Lucifer. So, I am not sure about you, but I have a grandmother named Lucifer, who I call Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, because she was one of the pivotal icons in my life who influenced my decision to have enough children to produce the prophet Elijah who will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers, or else I will strike this land with a curse!

Sister ME: You are delusional!

ME: Aren’t we All?



Oregon born, Bardass Poet, Bat-Shit Crazy Stand-Up Comedian, Entertaining Social Activist, Mamadadaist Artist of 8 kids, Weirdo Wonder Woman, Narc Researcher

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Lorrance Herring

Oregon born, Bardass Poet, Bat-Shit Crazy Stand-Up Comedian, Entertaining Social Activist, Mamadadaist Artist of 8 kids, Weirdo Wonder Woman, Narc Researcher