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What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning?

Especially, when you are in the land of Goonies, loonies, seafood, and seamen? Poetry and comedy helps. The fact that April is national poetry and comedy month is a great reminder of what to focus on while learning to navigate in life while in recovery from alcoholism and relationships gone wrong.

I met a new friend from New York who is nice, fun-loving, and independent. She’s new to my area and asked…


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Dear Santa,

Please save Dr. Fauci since he saved Christmas and the ever-changing traditions of America!

Especially since Baby Jesus seems to be busy trying to save all the delusional Baby Christians who are overlooking some important character qualities when it comes to who and what they believe is God’s wisdom and expression of love and tolerance.

So Santa, (and Baby Jesus, too…although you’ve already been decimated enough by what was done to you and your mom), could you PLEASE forgive those “know-nothings” who are busy worshipping Trump and following his “Hollywood” ways of being a rich, schmoozy, butt-ugly pussy…


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Are you calm? Good. We’re all happy.

Do you help others calm down? Good. You are necessary.

Can you give people space to have meltdowns? Good. You are wise.

Can you prevent meltdowns? Wow. Do you work for a power plant? Good.

Do you have experience diffusing dangerous situations? Good. Very good.

Are you a mother? Good.

Are you a father? Good.

Have you lived through dangerous situations? Good. So has everyone.

Did you have at least one good parent? Good.

Did you have two good parents? Very good. Excellent. Like you.

Did one of your parents drive you nuts…


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“You wanna know what I think?” Mrs. Talker said on an evening walk with Mr. Talker. She didn’t wait for him to answer. Of course Mr. Talker wanted to hear every word that dripped from Mrs. Talker’s lips. “I think men want ultimate power over the universe and to have that is insane. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Give me an example,” Mr. Talker prompted his wife. If he could find some point of contention, he was going to pounce on it like a wolf pounces on an unsuspecting lamb.

“Well, it’s like Jaffar in Disney’s version of ‘Aladdin’ where he wants…


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“Once upon a time there was a bouncing baby boy. He grew up to become the President of the United States,” the mother began as she tucked her son into bed.

“Was his name Robert, like my dad’s?” the little red-head asked.

“Well, no. But many presidents have been related to bouncing baby boys like your dad named Robert,” the mother smiled and sat on the edge of her son’s bed.

“My dad isn’t a bouncing baby boy!” declared the indignant son.

“Neither is he the President of the United States,” responded the mother. She patted her son’s arm. “So…


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They see me votin’ for Biden
I know they’re all thinkin’ I’m so
Smart and nerdy

Think I’m just too smart and nerdy
Think I’m just too smart and nerdy
Can’t you see I’m smart and nerdy?
Look at me, I’m smart and nerdy

I wanna roll with Progressives
But so far they all think I’m too
Smart and nerdy

Think I’m just too smart and nerdy
Think I’m just too smart and nerdy
I’m just too smart and nerdy
Really smart and nerdy

First in my class, but not at M-I-T
Got skills, but not in D and D…


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First, figure out what is reality and what is just your perspective on reality. Your reality might not be someone else’s reality. Your perspective might be very different, even polar opposite, from the next person’s experience of reality.

Second, choose your enemy or enemies…turn them into something other than a fellow human. Remember, most humans are also vulnerable and need to escape from whatever reality they are experiencing.

Then, take all of your enemies and give them names…give them a fictional character in a story, do whatever you want to them in a fictional story, and leave them ALONE in…


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Learning not to take the craziness of life too seriously helps…there are times to be crazy. There are times to dance and have fun and be a little crazy…crazy fun! Then, there are times to be panicked.

There are times to call 911 because if you don’t, someone is going to die. Such as a child in convulsions or a mother being violently attacked; a woman passed out and bleeding profusely.

Right now, we are in a time of “panic” or “war”…and the enemy is often hard to identify. Is it your mother? Your father? Your neighbor? Your brother or…


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You are a witch. You are a witch and may not even realize it.

You might be a Christian and be a witch. Your practice

might be so occulted that even you cannot see the truth.

I am a witch and I know it. I know it by my ancient family roots.

I know how to perform alchemy and mix chemicals

that can heal you or kill you, and the wisdom of good witchcraft.

Some chemicals and some plants are poisonous. Witches know.

Witches have books to consult to develop their craft.

Those who don’t practice witch craft are very…

Lorrance Herring

Oregon born, Bardass Poet, Bat-Shit Crazy Stand-Up Comedian, Entertaining Social Activist, Mamadadaist Artist of 8 kids, Weirdo Wonder Woman, Narc Researcher

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